Many single people appear to avoid the pain of feeling alone by finding solace in fleeting pleasures. So do I. But can we avoid pain at all?
The hook-up culture is a new term; it never existed before the night scene and dating apps came along.
I’m no saint; I have curiosity, physical needs, and I embrace my sexual nature.
Am I different now in my late thirties?
Not that much. I just think more.
So while the body says one thing, the mind opposes (no, it’s best to keep it in our pants) or justifies (okay, we need this to feel ‘something’), but the heart always knows the truth.
We can’t pretend that casual sex will make us feel whole, erase our troubles, or make us feel on top of things forever. Even if you had a great time, you probably feel slightly empty afterward. (I have unchanging evidence written in all my journals. They scream - we told you so!)
Casual sex is meaningless, and so it is that in search of a meaning to our existence, we suffer in the aftermath of it.
Why do we still do it, and we probably won’t stop as long as Tinder is alive?
Maybe it’s because we inherently know we’re meant to find a partner in crime. Loneliness manifests as a physical yearning; fixing it by hugging friends goes only so far.
So when we momentarily become one, we forget we are alone.
The thing with a casual fling is that you’re still alone the next day. (I told you so!)
Sometimes, casual fun can become a serious relationship, and nobody cares about on which date you put out.
Usually, you won’t see each other again, so you must practice detachment and boundaries. And admit it, it sucks!
Sensuality aside, why wouldn’t I sleep with someone I saw a potential future with right away?
Because in a world where casual, meaningless sex is so readily available, I want to make sex finally mean something. And wake up not feeling alone.
Someone once said - a person without purpose distracts themselves with pleasure.
I’m not here to preach that we must never entertain casual fun. Just know the rules of the game, enjoy it, and move on when feelings of emptiness arise. You’ll find your person one day, so you might as well be grateful for all your experience! :)
With Love,
Pavlina
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